Boundaries & Big Feelings
Published: 2 Jul 2025
This is the second in a series of blogs on navigating emotional and behavioural regulation. Click here for the first part of the series where we explore meltdowns.
Are you getting more than the usual volume of feedback from teachers about your child, and it’s not always positive? Do your kids seem to be having misunderstandings with their peers constantly? Are they always getting into disagreements, and can’t seem to understand others’ personal space?
For some children, understanding social boundaries is a challenge that impedes their ability to socialise and get along with their peers. This is an important skill for a child’s personal development if they are to relate to their peers and form age appropriate friendships.
Let’s investigate the behaviours that can show up when your child has difficulty with boundaries, why this might be the case, and what can be done to support them.
What does it look like when a child has difficulty with boundaries?
Children who have challenges around boundaries are often misunderstood as being naughty - maybe they seem rude or defy instructions or engage in negative attention seeking behaviours when actually, these are signs that their nervous system is under stress. They are actually highly anxious and stressed out and this can show up in the following ways:
Boundaries in specific settings: They have difficulty displaying different behaviours for indoor or outdoor spaces. For example, they run around in restaurants or classrooms, using these settings like play spaces or they could make large movements in elevators. They are often unable to adjust their body movements to something that is more appropriate for the setting.
Social boundaries: Whether it is standing too close to others, or being overly affectionate, and may grab and hug others impulsively, the child can make others feel uncomfortable without realising. They might snatch toys and items from other children or may shove and push their peers. They seem to be unable to understand the idea of personal space and appear to be in other people’s faces and spaces often.
Verbal boundaries: When communicating with others, these children sometimes find it a challenge to modulate their volume and might end up yelling when in conversation. They could interrupt others, or talk over other people and might find it difficult to stop talking. They might also have difficulty in complying when other people tell them, “No.”
In all these situations, it is important to realise that some children have difficulty truly understanding and putting into practice what boundaries are because they are unable to regulate themselves. They might be able to repeat the definition of a boundary, for example, “not snatching from others” but are unable to control their body and behaviour when playing with other children. The disconnect between their body (what they can control) and their brain (what they know on a cognitive level) can often be misunderstood as being naughty.
Why do children have difficulty with boundaries?
This disconnect between the body and the brain is indicative of a nervous system that’s highly stressed out. When a child is emotionally and physically dysregulated, this oftentimes leads to difficulty with boundaries because they are not capable of self-regulating:
Lack of body awareness: When children are unaware of their own bodies, this can translate to a lack of control over their movements. They may not understand their own strength. You might have seen this happen in the playground when kids are playing tag. One kid playfully shoves another but ends up pushing the other kid to the ground, ending in misunderstandings, accusations, and tears. When they are asked to line up and walk, they could end up bumping and pushing others in front or behind them. This lack of proprioceptive awareness can be common in children who are sensory seeking and emotionally dysregulated. Children’s lack of understanding of their own bodies, combined with their lack of control over other children (who may also have the same lack of body awareness) can result in fights and disagreements in children.
Weak social intelligence: Many children don’t have a strong ability to read facial expressions and body language cues, which make up more than half of how humans communicate. One factor is high screentime and overuse of electronic devices. The pandemic has added complications with mask wearing significantly reducing the opportunity for younger children to learn to read facial expressions. This is also a factor.
Emotional dysregulation: New or stimulating environments might make these behaviours more apparent as they tend to get emotionally dysregulated around too much stimulus. A sudden change in routine or expectation is tough on a child with emotional dysregulation and rigid behaviour. Your child might act out if they were promised ice cream after lunch, but did not end up getting it. Transitioning from school to home, or playtime to mealtime might also cause emotional distress leading to their perceived “defiance”.
Some children need extra support to learn about personal space and social rules. If your child has any of the difficulties mentioned in this blog, regulation for their nervous system is highly recommended.
How can we support children to develop better boundaries?
Somatic therapy and sensory work (like what we offer at Neural Connections) is especially helpful as it targets the root cause, leading to emotional and behavioural regulation. Breathing exercises, taking sensory breaks, helping them recognise and name their feelings also help children develop a better sense and awareness of their own bodies and behaviour.
When children struggle with boundaries, it’s important to view the behaviour as communication, not defiance. Stay patient and consistent with your child - growth and brain repatterning takes time, and every small win matters.
At Neural Connections, we focus on offering treatment and protocols to help children regulate their emotions and behaviour better. Schedule a Discovery Call with us today to see if we can help.
